 I’m not anti-conference. I go to them. I’ve learned from them. I’ve benefited from them.
But if I am being honest, I believe conferences are overrated as a primary engine for pastoral growth—and cohorts are wildly underrated. Let me explain. The Typical Conference Experience You know the drill. A large-church pastoral expert—whose church went from zero to a very, very large number—takes the stage. He shares “transferable principles” for how to do exactly what he did. The room is packed. The stories are compelling. The slides are polished. You’re inspired. And then you go home. That’s when reality sets in. God hasn’t called you to lead that church. You don’t live in that city. You don’t have that staff, budget, history, or culture. And suddenly those “transferable principles” don’t transfer very well. Even worse, while you were sitting in that conference, you were subconsciously evaluating your church by someone else’s scorecard. That’s never a fair comparison—and it’s rarely healthy. Think David trying on Saul’s armor. It didn’t fit. It wasn’t his. And if David had gone into battle wearing armor that didn’t belong to him, he wouldn’t have been brave—he would’ve been defeated. Ministry is a battle. And when you try to fight it using someone else’s strategy, from a different context, while wearing ill-fitting gear, two things are almost guaranteed:
So now you’re home, $2,500 lighter (airfare, hotel, meals, conference fees, and the “recommended resources”), and just as discouraged as when you left—maybe more.
There’s a Better Way: Cohorts I believe there’s a more effective, more biblical, and more sustainable way for pastors to learn and grow. Enter the local pastor cohort. A cohort isn’t flashy. There’s no stage. No spotlight. No green room. And that’s exactly why it works. A cohort is a regular gathering of pastors—often from churches of different sizes—who live in the same region and are engaged in the same gospel mission: declaring and demonstrating Christ in their shared context. It’s usually led by a pastor with a bit more experience and a deep desire to convene others for connection, support, encouragement, and coaching. The agenda is simple—and powerful:
Sometimes the conversation starts with one question and ends up somewhere no one saw coming—but the Spirit clearly led. Other times, a long-tenured pastor shares from his own story. Others ask honest questions. And in the span of a couple hours, transformative discipleship happens—quietly, relationally, deeply. No hype. No pretending. Just growth. Real relationships are formed. Partnerships emerge. Prayer is offered. And these aren’t strangers you met between breakout sessions—these are brothers who live down the road, who understand your community, and who will still be there next month. That kind of learning sticks. To Be Fair: Conferences Do Have Value I’m not throwing conferences under the bus. They can be helpful—when they’re put in the right place. Here’s where conferences shine: 1. National leaders can elevate your thinking. Not so you copy their model, but so you think more critically about your context. After all, that’s what they did—prayed, thought deeply, experimented, and worked. 2. Conferences are great when you bring a team. Shared learning accelerates growth. I’ve seen this firsthand. When leaders attend together, then debrief intentionally, the fruit multiplies. Inspiration turns into discernment—and sometimes into wise experimentation. 3. You sometimes need to get away. A change in place often leads to a change in perspective. Ministry weariness can shrink your imagination. Stepping away—even briefly—can break mental gridlock and reopen creative space. So yes—go to a conference from time to time. Bring home good ideas. Discern them carefully. Translate, don’t transplant. But Don’t Miss the Better Investment If you’re serious about long-term growth, resilience, and faithfulness in ministry, don’t rely on occasional inspiration. Find a local pastor cohort—or create one. It will cost less. It will demand more honesty. And it will shape you far more deeply. Conferences may inspire you for a moment. Cohorts form you for the long haul. And in ministry, that’s what you actually need.
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 Every Renewal Pastor I know has been on the receiving end of energy they didn’t ask for — the pull of resistance, complaint, criticism, and sometimes outright attack. You spend your days trying to shepherd people toward health and mission, and you get slapped with the very energies that can drain the life out of a church.
That’s where Leadership Judo becomes a game-changer. What Leadership Judo Really Is Leadership Judo isn’t about domination. It isn’t sarcasm disguised as wisdom. It isn’t passive avoidance. It’s the strategic redirection of an opponent’s energy — taking negative force that could harm and steering it toward something productive. In other words: Leadership Judo is taking the energy of an opponent and directing it away from harm to a more productive place. (Replant Bootcamp) It borrows the heart of the martial art — the gentle way — and applies it to leadership instead of physical combat. The tactic isn’t force, it’s leverage. Verbal Judo vs. Verbal KarateThis gets confusing until you understand the contrast:
That difference is essential for Renewal contexts where emotions and history can run deep. Biblical Grounding for Judo-Style LeadershipTwo Scriptures are foundational:
Notice what both passages are really about: direction, impact, and outcome. It’s not about being nice. It’s about being strategically constructive. Why Renewal Pastors Need Leadership Judo Renewal pastors aren’t just fixing systems — you’re shepherding broken people and worn-out communities. That means conflict is always in play. Leadership Judo becomes the operating system for navigating those conflicts without derailing the mission. Here’s how it works in practice: 1. Respect First — Even When You Aren’t Respected Critics and complainers don’t usually show up with dignity first. But Leadership Judo starts there because: When people feel respected, resistance becomes discussable instead of explosive. That means:
People who feel attacked only double down. People who feel heard can be redirected. 2. Ask, Don’t Demand: A statement feels like a threat. A well-placed question feels like respect. For example: ❌ “This isn’t how we do things here.” ✔️ “Help me understand what you’re seeing here — what outcome you want?” Questions rebuild conversation. Commands build walls. 3. Offer Options — Not Threats People want to choose their way forward. Threats don’t change hearts — they only reinforce resistance. Leadership Judo reframes situations: Instead of “You must do X or else…” Say “Here are two ways we can pursue this. Which one resonates more with you?” You haven’t given up direction — you’ve enlarged the path forward. 4. Use Dissatisfaction as Fuel — Not Fuel for the Fire Complaints have energy. That energy can burn down culture or fuel wise change. Leadership Judo teaches you to:
Church renewal isn’t about silencing voices — it’s about steering voices into work that builds the church. 5. Preserve Relationships While Adjusting Direction This is the heart of Leadership Judo. You don’t attack the person or defend your ego — you:
You don’t walk away from hard conversations — you navigate them better than most leaders know how. A Challenge to Renewal Pastors You’re not called to be liked. You’re called to lead — and that demands both courage and grace. Leadership Judo isn’t a soft leadership style. It’s a strategic discipline that protects your soul, your team, and your church’s mission. It’s the difference between:
That’s what renewal leadership actually looks like. If you lead a Renewal context, Leadership Judo should be in your toolkit. Not as a gimmick — as a discipline that turns opposition into forward motion.  Have you ever heard this statement?
“A Pastor will only be able to reach people within ten years on either side of of his age.” I’ve heard that line for years. Recently, I’ve heard it used less as an observation and more as leverage—to shape pastor searches, justify staff transitions, and quietly dismiss candidates before their calling, leadership capacity, or fruit are seriously considered. So let’s deal with this honestly. What the statement actually says—and what it doesn’t The original statement is typically offered as a general pattern, not a rule. It speaks about average congregational age, not about a pastor’s capacity to relate, shepherd, disciple, or lead people outside a narrow age band. (find the link to the article originally cited below) But somewhere along the way, nuance disappeared. What gets repeated instead is something much stronger: “A pastor can only reach people within ten years of his age.” Let me SOUND THE ALARM!!! That claim is not supported by research, not biblically grounded, and frankly, not borne out by lived ministry experience. A personal word about age bias - I’ve seen this up close. Shortly after graduating seminary, I was part of a church plant where the founding pastor left just nine months into the work. There was significant internal conflict, and anyone who’s been around church planting knows that losing a pastor that early often spells doom. It did for us. I wanted the church to survive. I felt called to pastoral ministry and was growing to love those people deeply, so I put my name forward for consideration. One of the founding leaders—also a central figure in the conflict—declared loudly and publicly: “I’m not going to have a 30-year-old pastor!!” That was the end of the conversation. (Thank you Jesus for sparing me from that train wreck!) Fast forward. Today, I’m part of a three-year-old church plant where the majority of the congregation is the age of my adult children. We are loved, pursued, asked for counsel, invited into lives, and trusted—by young adults who are twenty to thirty years younger than we are (yes, that hurts to say out loud.) If the “ten-year rule” were true, none of that should be happening. Yet it is. What the research actually say Social science does acknowledge something called homophily—the tendency for people to form relationships with others who are similar to themselves, including age (McPherson, Smith-Lovin, & Cook, 2001). That explains default patterns, not fixed limits. In fact, a substantial body of research directly challenges the idea that age similarity determines relational capacity:
In short: people don’t merely tolerate multi-generational relationships. Many actively seek them. Everyone benefits form them. The real issue isn’t age—it’s design When a church becomes generationally narrow, the problem is rarely the pastor’s age. It’s usually the systems:
Blaming age is easier than doing the harder work of organizational and spiritual formation. And now, the biblical issue. Let’s be clear: this age-based dismissal is not biblical. Paul told Timothy plainly: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young…” (1 Timothy 4:12) Scripture also consistently honors “seasoned” saints—men and women whose faith, wisdom, and endurance are gifts to the body. Older men and women are explicitly instructed to teach, encourage, disciple, and train younger believers (Titus 2). A multi-generational church is not a concession to culture—it is faithfulness to Scripture. So when we discount someone because of age—young or old—we are neither biblical nor Christlike. Let me be abundantly frank: When churches talk about putting pastors or staff “out to pasture” because of age, when they are dismissive to and of younger pastors, when consultants or denominational employees spout the +/- Ten year age statement as fact...... stop it. Please. Just stop it. Now, I need to be clear - if a Pastor (young or old) isn’t able to lead effectively, if he is unresponsive to the congregation, unwilling to change, exhibiting a poor work ethic, angry, bitter, hostile, derelict (you ge the idea) - a change should be made. That’s based on leadership competency, character and capacity not age. I’ve met energetic and sharp 70 year olds and low energy, unmotivated and unable to lead 30 year olds. Again, age alone is not a limiting factor. I've Pastored people 40 years more senior and almost as many my junior. We had a great Pastor - Congregant relationship. In fact, a young family joined our church precisely because I was older (back then I was in my mid-to-late 40s.) Age is a number, not always a mark of effectiveness or ineffectiveness or relevance. A wildly secular example (and no endorsement implied)Permit me one unrelated, but kinda related example. Bernie Sanders—an extremely senior U.S. Senator—is deeply popular with very young voters. Why? Not because he’s their age, but because his message resonates. I am not endorsing Sanders. I disagree with him fundamentally, but the point is obvious: message, credibility, and authenticity matter more than age. A better question for pastor search teams Instead of asking: “Is this candidate close enough to our target demographic?” Ask: “Does this leader have the character, calling, competencies, and capacity to lead across generations?” That’s a biblical question. That’s a leadership question. And that’s where evaluation belongs. Final words
They are built by biblical faithfulness, intentional leadership, and multi-generational relationships. Would your church benefit from growing younger? Defiately so. Here’s a good article exploring some steps a congregation with that desire may want to consider: (read the Vanderbloemen article) It’s also the article that is often wrongly cited to move out older staff and disqualify younger candidates. Academic References
 Every pastor who steps into a declining church carries hope—often shared hope. The church says they want to reach their community. They long to see new life. They pray for growth, renewal, and impact.
So when a pastor begins leading toward that future—and meets resistance—it can feel confusing, discouraging, and deeply personal. But sometimes what’s happening isn’t failure. It may be calling. Not every pastoral call is a “promised land” assignment. Some are unmistakably wilderness calls. And wilderness work matters just as much in the economy of God. Understanding the Season You’ve Been Given In Scripture, God often did His most formative work in desert places. The wilderness was not a detour—it was the assignment. Israel didn’t wander because Moses failed. They wandered because God was shaping a people who were not yet ready to live freely. Old idols had to die. New trust had to be formed. Dependence had to be learned daily. Some pastors are called to lead churches into seasons of fruitfulness and visible growth. Others are called to guide churches through desert days—seasons marked by resistance, fear, and slow, hidden work. That calling is not lesser. It is essential. When Vision Meets Resistance Many pastors discover that the resistance they face does not come from “the church” as a whole, but from a small number of influential voices. These individuals often see themselves as protectors—of tradition, finances, facilities, or harmony. They may genuinely believe they are acting in the church’s best interest. And yet, their fear, control, or need for stability can quietly restrict obedience and mission. For a pastor, this can feel like walking in circles—progress proposed, then delayed; enthusiasm expressed, then quietly undercut. In a wilderness season, the pastor’s role is not to force arrival—but to shepherd faithfully through uncertainty. The Work of a Wilderness Pastor Wilderness pastors are called to a particular kind of faithfulness: Formation Over FruitionThe work is often unseen. Growth is internal before it is numerical. Hearts, assumptions, and loyalties are slowly exposed and reshaped. Patience Over Speed Forward movement happens in inches, not miles. God teaches His people to walk daily, not rush ahead. Dependence Over Control The wilderness strips away illusions of quick fixes and human strength. Pastors learn again—and teach their churches—to trust God for daily bread. Clarity Over Comfort in desert seasons, truth must be spoken carefully but clearly. The pastor names reality, teaches Scripture, and calls the church to obedience—without demanding immediate results. Guarding Your Heart in the Desert Wilderness callings are hard on pastors. Discouragement comes easily. Weariness settles in quietly. Comparison becomes tempting. This is where calling matters. Some shepherds are called to plant and harvest. Some are called to plow rocky ground. Some are called to weaken old patterns so that future leaders can build more freely. If your assignment is wilderness work, it does not mean you will see the promised land with your own eyes. Moses didn’t—and his faithfulness was not diminished because of it. Faithfulness Is the Measure A wilderness calling does not ask, “Did you grow the church?” It asks, “Did you shepherd the people God entrusted to you?” “Did you teach truth?” “Did you model trust?” “Did you remain obedient when progress was slow?” The Kingdom of God is advanced not only through visible victories, but through long obedience in hard places. And many churches that later flourish do so because a faithful pastor once walked with them through the desert. If that is your calling, take heart. God does not waste wilderness seasons. And He does not forget the shepherds who walk them faithfully.  A Simple Practice That Builds a Fellowshipping Culture
Most churches say they want deeper connection, stronger relationships, and a genuine sense of care among their people. Fewer churches intentionally design for it. Fellowship doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when leaders decide it matters enough to create space for it. One of the simplest, most effective ways to do that is a regular coffee hour after the morning service—or between morning services. It’s not flashy. It’s not complicated. And yes, some people will scoff at it. But over time, it quietly does its work. Fellowship Is Not Optional — It’s Biblical The New Testament assumes believers will know one another, care for one another, and share life together. The early church gathered around teaching and table fellowship. Conversation, presence, and relational connection weren’t add-ons; they were part of discipleship. Your congregation already wants this. They want to talk. They want to check in. They want to be known and to know others. When churches don’t provide a natural space for that to happen, people either rush out to the parking lot—or try to create connection in fragmented, inconsistent ways. A simple coffee hour says, We expect fellowship to happen here. Why Coffee Hour Works A regular coffee hour is far less involved and far less time-consuming than standing fellowship meals, yet it delivers real relational return.
Over time, repeated small interactions build familiarity. Familiarity builds trust. Trust opens the door to care, compassion, and spiritual support. People don’t need an occasional three-hour meal to connect. They need consistent (weekly), unhurried space to connect and converse. The Logistics Are Simple (Not Effortless) This works best in one of two ways:
Either way, clarity matters. People need to know this is not optional filler time—it’s part of the Sunday experience. Here are the key ingredients:
Vision Casting Is What Makes or Breaks It Coffee alone doesn’t create fellowship. Pastoral vision does. Leaders must consistently:
This isn’t a one-time announcement. It’s ongoing culture shaping. People need permission—sometimes repeated permission—to slow down, engage, and step outside familiar relational circles. When leaders model this behavior, the congregation follows. Equip People for Meaningful Connection Left on its own, a coffee hour can drift into predictable conversations among the same groups of people. To prevent that, churches should actively equip their people. That means equipping your congregation in the following:
You don’t need a training seminar. A few well-placed reminders from the pulpit and modeled behavior from leaders go a long way. Culture Is Formed Over Time This sounds simple—and it is. But don’t underestimate its cumulative impact. A regular coffee hour:
Over time, this practice shapes and reinforces a culture where people expect to welcome and be welcomed, to know and be known, to care and be cared for. It becomes part of the church’s DNA. Simple doesn’t mean shallow. When practiced consistently and led with vision, a coffee hour can quietly become one of the most formative things a church does. And that’s a small thing that makes a big difference.  Why an Authentic Greeting Time Still Matters
Every so often, the “stand and greet” moment in worship gets put on trial again.
Let me be clear: the problem is rarely greeting itself. The problem is shallow, poorly led, socially unaware greeting and those who elevate personal discomfort or preference above biblical example and sociological research.. Scripture Is Unambiguous: Welcome Is Core to Christian Community The New Testament does not prescribe a specific worship element called “greeting time.” But it repeatedly commands something far more fundamental: visible, embodied welcome.
Even the repeated apostolic instruction to “greet one another” (Romans 16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12) reminds us that acknowledging one another mattered. The cultural expression changes. The theological value does not. A church that never creates space to notice one another may be efficient—but it is not deeply biblical. Sociology Confirms What Scripture Assumes Modern research simply confirms what Scripture has assumed all along: humans are wired for belonging. Psychologists Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary demonstrated that the need to belong is a fundamental human motivation. People seek stable, positive relational connections, and when they don’t find them, they disengage. Sociological studies of congregations consistently show:
At the same time, research (including work summarized by Lifeway Research) shows many visitors prefer not to be publicly singled out or pressured. That insight does not argue against welcome. It argues against poorly designed welcome. People want warmth without exposure. Connection without coercion. The Real Question Is Not Whether to Greet, but How A healthy greeting time is not:
An authentic greeting time is:
A simple biblical frame (10 seconds) “Because Christ has welcomed us, we want to welcome one another. Take a moment to greet the people around you. A simple ‘good morning’ is enough.” That one sentence does a lot of work: it grounds the moment in Romans 15:7, lowers social pressure, honors different personalities, and sets expectations clearly. Sixty to ninety seconds is enough. Long enough to communicate value. Short enough to avoid awkward wandering. Designing a Greeting Time for Introverts and Extroverts Introversion and extroversion are real. Both bring gifts to leadership. But neither gets to define the church’s theology of welcome. The solution is tiered participation. Teach the congregation that greeting has levels:
Now everyone can participate honestly without pretending to be someone they’re not. This isn’t lowering the bar—it’s pastoral wisdom. Social Intelligence Matters More Than Enthusiasm If greetings are going to work, people must be taught to read the room. Green light (engage a bit more):
Red light (exit kindly):
Helpful Phrases That Build Trust Good first words:
A Necessary Warning About Anti-Greeting Advocates Here’s the hard truth leaders need to hear: When someone’s opposition to greeting time is driven primarily by personal discomfort, it is not neutral wisdom—it is bias. Warning signs include:
Introverts offer critical leadership insight. But introversion does not get to veto hospitality. Scripture, sociology, and church leadership research all point in the same direction: belonging precedes commitment. A church that removes relational on-ramps in the name of efficiency may be smooth—but it will not be warm. And it will quietly lose people who never felt seen. Final Word: An authentic greeting time is not about nostalgia or trends. It is about forming a culture that reflects the gospel we proclaim. Done poorly, it should be corrected. Done thoughtfully, it disciples a congregation in hospitality every single week. The question is not whether greeting belongs in worship. The real question is whether we will design it biblically, lead it wisely, and practice it with social intelligence. That’s not fluff. That’s shepherding. |
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