 Have you ever heard this statement?
“A Pastor will only be able to reach people within ten years on either side of of his age.” I’ve heard that line for years. Recently, I’ve heard it used less as an observation and more as leverage—to shape pastor searches, justify staff transitions, and quietly dismiss candidates before their calling, leadership capacity, or fruit are seriously considered. So let’s deal with this honestly. What the statement actually says—and what it doesn’t The original statement is typically offered as a general pattern, not a rule. It speaks about average congregational age, not about a pastor’s capacity to relate, shepherd, disciple, or lead people outside a narrow age band. (find the link to the article originally cited below) But somewhere along the way, nuance disappeared. What gets repeated instead is something much stronger: “A pastor can only reach people within ten years of his age.” Let me SOUND THE ALARM!!! That claim is not supported by research, not biblically grounded, and frankly, not borne out by lived ministry experience. A personal word about age bias - I’ve seen this up close. Shortly after graduating seminary, I was part of a church plant where the founding pastor left just nine months into the work. There was significant internal conflict, and anyone who’s been around church planting knows that losing a pastor that early often spells doom. It did for us. I wanted the church to survive. I felt called to pastoral ministry and was growing to love those people deeply, so I put my name forward for consideration. One of the founding leaders—also a central figure in the conflict—declared loudly and publicly: “I’m not going to have a 30-year-old pastor!!” That was the end of the conversation. (Thank you Jesus for sparing me from that train wreck!) Fast forward. Today, I’m part of a three-year-old church plant where the majority of the congregation is the age of my adult children. We are loved, pursued, asked for counsel, invited into lives, and trusted—by young adults who are twenty to thirty years younger than we are (yes, that hurts to say out loud.) If the “ten-year rule” were true, none of that should be happening. Yet it is. What the research actually say Social science does acknowledge something called homophily—the tendency for people to form relationships with others who are similar to themselves, including age (McPherson, Smith-Lovin, & Cook, 2001). That explains default patterns, not fixed limits. In fact, a substantial body of research directly challenges the idea that age similarity determines relational capacity:
In short: people don’t merely tolerate multi-generational relationships. Many actively seek them. Everyone benefits form them. The real issue isn’t age—it’s design When a church becomes generationally narrow, the problem is rarely the pastor’s age. It’s usually the systems:
Blaming age is easier than doing the harder work of organizational and spiritual formation. And now, the biblical issue. Let’s be clear: this age-based dismissal is not biblical. Paul told Timothy plainly: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young…” (1 Timothy 4:12) Scripture also consistently honors “seasoned” saints—men and women whose faith, wisdom, and endurance are gifts to the body. Older men and women are explicitly instructed to teach, encourage, disciple, and train younger believers (Titus 2). A multi-generational church is not a concession to culture—it is faithfulness to Scripture. So when we discount someone because of age—young or old—we are neither biblical nor Christlike. Let me be abundantly frank: When churches talk about putting pastors or staff “out to pasture” because of age, when they are dismissive to and of younger pastors, when consultants or denominational employees spout the +/- Ten year age statement as fact...... stop it. Please. Just stop it. Now, I need to be clear - if a Pastor (young or old) isn’t able to lead effectively, if he is unresponsive to the congregation, unwilling to change, exhibiting a poor work ethic, angry, bitter, hostile, derelict (you ge the idea) - a change should be made. That’s based on leadership competency, character and capacity not age. I’ve met energetic and sharp 70 year olds and low energy, unmotivated and unable to lead 30 year olds. Again, age alone is not a limiting factor. I've Pastored people 40 years more senior and almost as many my junior. We had a great Pastor - Congregant relationship. In fact, a young family joined our church precisely because I was older (back then I was in my mid-to-late 40s.) Age is a number, not always a mark of effectiveness or ineffectiveness or relevance. A wildly secular example (and no endorsement implied)Permit me one unrelated, but kinda related example. Bernie Sanders—an extremely senior U.S. Senator—is deeply popular with very young voters. Why? Not because he’s their age, but because his message resonates. I am not endorsing Sanders. I disagree with him fundamentally, but the point is obvious: message, credibility, and authenticity matter more than age. A better question for pastor search teams Instead of asking: “Is this candidate close enough to our target demographic?” Ask: “Does this leader have the character, calling, competencies, and capacity to lead across generations?” That’s a biblical question. That’s a leadership question. And that’s where evaluation belongs. Final words
They are built by biblical faithfulness, intentional leadership, and multi-generational relationships. Would your church benefit from growing younger? Defiately so. Here’s a good article exploring some steps a congregation with that desire may want to consider: (read the Vanderbloemen article) It’s also the article that is often wrongly cited to move out older staff and disqualify younger candidates. Academic References
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 A Simple Practice That Builds a Fellowshipping Culture
Most churches say they want deeper connection, stronger relationships, and a genuine sense of care among their people. Fewer churches intentionally design for it. Fellowship doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when leaders decide it matters enough to create space for it. One of the simplest, most effective ways to do that is a regular coffee hour after the morning service—or between morning services. It’s not flashy. It’s not complicated. And yes, some people will scoff at it. But over time, it quietly does its work. Fellowship Is Not Optional — It’s Biblical The New Testament assumes believers will know one another, care for one another, and share life together. The early church gathered around teaching and table fellowship. Conversation, presence, and relational connection weren’t add-ons; they were part of discipleship. Your congregation already wants this. They want to talk. They want to check in. They want to be known and to know others. When churches don’t provide a natural space for that to happen, people either rush out to the parking lot—or try to create connection in fragmented, inconsistent ways. A simple coffee hour says, We expect fellowship to happen here. Why Coffee Hour Works A regular coffee hour is far less involved and far less time-consuming than standing fellowship meals, yet it delivers real relational return.
Over time, repeated small interactions build familiarity. Familiarity builds trust. Trust opens the door to care, compassion, and spiritual support. People don’t need an occasional three-hour meal to connect. They need consistent (weekly), unhurried space to connect and converse. The Logistics Are Simple (Not Effortless) This works best in one of two ways:
Either way, clarity matters. People need to know this is not optional filler time—it’s part of the Sunday experience. Here are the key ingredients:
Vision Casting Is What Makes or Breaks It Coffee alone doesn’t create fellowship. Pastoral vision does. Leaders must consistently:
This isn’t a one-time announcement. It’s ongoing culture shaping. People need permission—sometimes repeated permission—to slow down, engage, and step outside familiar relational circles. When leaders model this behavior, the congregation follows. Equip People for Meaningful Connection Left on its own, a coffee hour can drift into predictable conversations among the same groups of people. To prevent that, churches should actively equip their people. That means equipping your congregation in the following:
You don’t need a training seminar. A few well-placed reminders from the pulpit and modeled behavior from leaders go a long way. Culture Is Formed Over Time This sounds simple—and it is. But don’t underestimate its cumulative impact. A regular coffee hour:
Over time, this practice shapes and reinforces a culture where people expect to welcome and be welcomed, to know and be known, to care and be cared for. It becomes part of the church’s DNA. Simple doesn’t mean shallow. When practiced consistently and led with vision, a coffee hour can quietly become one of the most formative things a church does. And that’s a small thing that makes a big difference.  Why an Authentic Greeting Time Still Matters
Every so often, the “stand and greet” moment in worship gets put on trial again.
Let me be clear: the problem is rarely greeting itself. The problem is shallow, poorly led, socially unaware greeting and those who elevate personal discomfort or preference above biblical example and sociological research.. Scripture Is Unambiguous: Welcome Is Core to Christian Community The New Testament does not prescribe a specific worship element called “greeting time.” But it repeatedly commands something far more fundamental: visible, embodied welcome.
Even the repeated apostolic instruction to “greet one another” (Romans 16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12) reminds us that acknowledging one another mattered. The cultural expression changes. The theological value does not. A church that never creates space to notice one another may be efficient—but it is not deeply biblical. Sociology Confirms What Scripture Assumes Modern research simply confirms what Scripture has assumed all along: humans are wired for belonging. Psychologists Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary demonstrated that the need to belong is a fundamental human motivation. People seek stable, positive relational connections, and when they don’t find them, they disengage. Sociological studies of congregations consistently show:
At the same time, research (including work summarized by Lifeway Research) shows many visitors prefer not to be publicly singled out or pressured. That insight does not argue against welcome. It argues against poorly designed welcome. People want warmth without exposure. Connection without coercion. The Real Question Is Not Whether to Greet, but How A healthy greeting time is not:
An authentic greeting time is:
A simple biblical frame (10 seconds) “Because Christ has welcomed us, we want to welcome one another. Take a moment to greet the people around you. A simple ‘good morning’ is enough.” That one sentence does a lot of work: it grounds the moment in Romans 15:7, lowers social pressure, honors different personalities, and sets expectations clearly. Sixty to ninety seconds is enough. Long enough to communicate value. Short enough to avoid awkward wandering. Designing a Greeting Time for Introverts and Extroverts Introversion and extroversion are real. Both bring gifts to leadership. But neither gets to define the church’s theology of welcome. The solution is tiered participation. Teach the congregation that greeting has levels:
Now everyone can participate honestly without pretending to be someone they’re not. This isn’t lowering the bar—it’s pastoral wisdom. Social Intelligence Matters More Than Enthusiasm If greetings are going to work, people must be taught to read the room. Green light (engage a bit more):
Red light (exit kindly):
Helpful Phrases That Build Trust Good first words:
A Necessary Warning About Anti-Greeting Advocates Here’s the hard truth leaders need to hear: When someone’s opposition to greeting time is driven primarily by personal discomfort, it is not neutral wisdom—it is bias. Warning signs include:
Introverts offer critical leadership insight. But introversion does not get to veto hospitality. Scripture, sociology, and church leadership research all point in the same direction: belonging precedes commitment. A church that removes relational on-ramps in the name of efficiency may be smooth—but it will not be warm. And it will quietly lose people who never felt seen. Final Word: An authentic greeting time is not about nostalgia or trends. It is about forming a culture that reflects the gospel we proclaim. Done poorly, it should be corrected. Done thoughtfully, it disciples a congregation in hospitality every single week. The question is not whether greeting belongs in worship. The real question is whether we will design it biblically, lead it wisely, and practice it with social intelligence. That’s not fluff. That’s shepherding.  Paul’s words here hit home for anyone who carries the weight of shepherding multiple churches. This isn't a theoretical concern—it's a gritty, soul-deep, all-consuming burden. Not because we’re saviors, but because we care. Deeply. And when you're an Associational Leader, you're not just a bystander; you're on the front lines.
The Role Few See But Many Rely On Let’s be clear: no one signs up to be an Associational Mission Strategist or Director of Missions because it’s easy. We do it because we're called to contend for healthy churches. That means:
It’s messy, misunderstood, underappreciated work. And it’s holy ground. We Are Not the Savior—Jesus Is The good news? You don’t have to die for the church. Jesus already did. Your role isn’t to be crucified—your role is to be faithful. Faithful to show up. Faithful to speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Faithful to challenge complacency (Titus 2:15). Faithful to encourage the faint-hearted (1 Thessalonians 5:14). Faithful to rebuke when necessary (2 Timothy 4:2). Faithful to call them back to the mission (Matthew 28:19-20). You’re Not Alone in the Pressure If Paul felt the weight of the churches daily, you can bet we’re going to feel it too. It’s part of the calling. But here’s the key: you can’t carry this pressure alone. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9 This pressure we carry is a privilege, but it’s also a reminder: we need His power. We need His Spirit. We need His Word. And we need each other. Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking grit alone will sustain us. We need grace. Daily. Hourly. Moment by moment. Stay the Course—God Sees To every Associational Leader driving across counties, walking into conflict-heavy rooms, challenging churches stuck in the past, cheering for bivocational pastors, and giving another yes when your tank is low: God sees you. “God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people.” — Hebrews 6:10 He sees your labor. He hears your prayers. He honors your faithfulness. So, What Now?
You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. You’re not wasting your time. Keep showing up. Keep telling the truth. Keep pointing churches to Jesus and His mission. And remember: the church doesn’t rest on your shoulders. It rests on His.  “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.” — Colossians 1:28–29
Pastors often bear deep and quiet wounds—delivered not by unbelievers or secular culture, but by controllers inside the church: bullies who manipulate, gatekeepers who withhold permission, and influencers who use history, money, or fear to halt gospel advancement. They may hide behind phrases like “We’ve never done it that way,” or “Others are concerned,” but their intent is clear—control, not Christ. Some pastors try to reason with these strongholds. They wait, hope, appease, avoid, and pray it will change. But over time, the roots of dysfunction grow deeper. Silence is misinterpreted as submission. Nice becomes naive. And the result? The mission is stifled. The flock is confused. The pastor is discouraged. And the body remains immature. Warning with Wisdom: Paul’s words in Colossians 1 are a call to bold, biblical shepherding. Maturity in Christ comes through proclaiming the gospel, warning everyone, and teaching with wisdom. This isn’t optional. It’s essential. Warning, when done wisely and lovingly, is not unkind—it’s Christlike. Jesus never coddled the religious bullies of his day. He confronted them, exposed their motives, and made it clear: the Kingdom would not be held hostage by those protecting their platform over God's purposes. Too often, churches have confused being nice with being Christian. But Christ was not crucified for his niceness—he was crucified for proclaiming truth, confronting sin, and disrupting the religious status quo. Pastors must do the same. Gospel compassion includes courage. Bullies Grow When Unchallenged: Bullies and gatekeepers don’t disappear on their own. In fact, when left unchallenged, they often become more emboldened. Their tenure becomes tradition. Their preferences become policy. Their threats become sacred cows. In Not Being Nice for the Sake of the Gospel, Bill Easum recounts example after example of churches and staff held hostage by one or two dysfunctional members. In each case, the leaders knew the person was harming the mission—but feared doing what was necessary to confront them. So they remained quiet. And the church remained stuck. Jesus never advocated such passivity. When the Temple was turned into a marketplace, Jesus didn’t call a meeting. He overturned tables. Not out of rage, but out of love. He saw that worship was being stolen from the people who needed it most. So he drove the thieves out. In churches today, the “thieves” often aren’t selling doves, but they’re selling comfort, familiarity, and control—at the cost of spiritual freedom and growth. Confront and Disempower for the Sake of the Gospel: The answer isn’t to play nice with the unreasonable. It’s to confront them biblically and remove their functional power. Matthew 18 provides a pathway: private confrontation, followed by witnesses, and finally, church-wide correction. If the individual refuses to repent, Jesus says to treat them as an outsider. This isn’t harsh—it’s holy. We must care more about their soul and the church’s mission than about preserving appearances. To be clear: confronting does not mean cruelty. But it does require courage. The gospel calls us to speak the truth in love, not to sidestep it in fear. Every time a leader chooses clarity over comfort, the church takes one step closer to health. Leaders Must Lead: If you're a pastor in this situation, it may be time to stop waiting for the bully to have a change of heart. You were not called to appease manipulators. You were called to proclaim Christ, warning and teaching with all wisdom, that you might present the church mature in Christ. That means being willing to confront the hard-hearted, call out the manipulative, and refuse to give spiritual authority to those who’ve long abused it. This is not about being unkind—it’s about being uncompromising when it comes to the freedom of God’s people. We don’t confront because we’re angry—we confront because we love Jesus and his Bride. Moving Forward: Church renewal is rarely possible until someone leaves—or loses their grip. The path to revitalization almost always passes through painful confrontation. But the reward is worth it: a church free to grow, a people unshackled from fear, and a pastor no longer under the thumb of intimidation. So preach Christ. Warn with wisdom. Call out dysfunction. And remember—you’re not alone. Christ is with you. And the power that raised him from the dead is the same power that can break the grip of every bully in the pew. Stand firm, pastor. Be clear. Be Christlike. Be courageous.  There’s a lot of hype getting slung around the interwebs targeting pastors. It shows up on social media feeds, it finds its way into our inboxes.
Stuff like… “Tired of empty pews? Get our marketing plan!” “Unlock the secrets that can take your church from 200 - 22,000!” “Get _______ program and discover how to increase your guests by ____%” “Learn from proven church growth experts that can help you take your church from _____ to ____” 99.9% of the time the solutions being offered have more to do with marketing, organizational and human/social psychology or crowd manipulation than pastoring and discipling people and sharing Jesus. One offer actually said this: (our exponential growth) …didn’t happen just because the people in our church were more spiritual…. What made it possible is (insert the plan, video series, steps, handbook they are selling: read man made stuff) Spiritual snake oil. All of it. Does all that make you tired? Is it discouraging? It is to me. I'll be honest. It makes me mad. The church growth industry has become a way to make some nice scratch on the side for the retired gurus or a new source of income for those needing an exit ramp from their ministry because they are burned out from building what they are telling you to build with their formulas for numerical success. I get it, people who have a proven track record of putting butts in seats can come to believe that attracting a crowd is an evidence of God’s blessing - maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Crowds aren’t the point, Christ is. Seems like Jesus drew crowds too, he also noted that sometimes the people showed up not for who he was, but were there for the hype. There is a better way brother Pastor. Preach. Pray. Love. Stay Your crowds may not grow to the point you’ll be invited to share your ministry plan on a national platform. You may have to be bi-vocational or co-vocational to feed your family. You may never be podcast famous. You may be exhausted, resourced challenged, and struggle with envy wishing for greener ministry pastures. It's hard, but that's okay, you're not supposed to do ministry in your own power, wisdom or with some man made plan you bought from a dude who is selling strategy. Tend the field God has assigned you, do it to the best of your ability, let the scriptures be your guide and God be the definer of your success. Questions for Reflection
 This article was written by Bill Easum, long time Pastor and Church consultant. It can be found on the web in other places.
Throughout all of my consulting ministry, I have seen a disturbing pattern ... most established churches are held hostage by one or two bullies. Some individual or small group of individuals are usually extremely opposed to the church making any radical change, even if it means the change would give the church a chance to thrive once again. I keep hearing pastors say, "If I tried that, I'd lose my job!" Courageous pastors often ask, "What do I do when one person intimidates the church so much that it is not willing to try something new?" My response is always, "Either convert them, neutralize them, kick them out, or kill them. The Body can not live with cancer." To which someone usually cries, "That's not very Christian!" My response describes much of the wisdom of both the Old Testament and Jesus. Maturing Christians love so deeply that they will do anything, even not being nice, "for the sake of the Gospel. Jesus was so compassionate toward others that he could not remain quiet when he saw people holding other people in bondage. The Old Testament story of the wilderness wanderings contains a remarkable account of how Moses responded to a group of people who insisted on keeping the Hebrews bondage to the past .1 A group of people led by Korah came to Moses asking him to relinquish leadership because they wanted to take the Hebrews back to Egypt. Moses responded by falling on his face prostrate before them in prayer. Then he got up and slew all of them. Not very nice, but necessary if they were going to get to Canaan. Moses knew that freedom with God was better than slavery with Pharaoh. The same is true today... freedom to grow in grace is always better than enslavement to the status quo. Almost every struggling church has at least one dysfunctional bully who goes out of the way to be a big fish in a small pond. Often, that is the primary reason the church is struggling. This person gets his/her sense of self-worth by keeping the church so intimidated, either by their actions or their money, that very little can happen without that person's approval. The sad thing is most of the leaders know that this person is a stumbling block to the church's' future and they will not do anything about it. The church leaders ignore the bully thinking that is the Christian thing to do, and in so doing, assist in the stunted growth or death of the congregation. For example, I was working with a staff in a large church. The first day I met with the staff the tension was so high I could cut the air with a knife. The staff hardly said a word to one another. The next day when we met the staff laughed and cut up together as if they were one big happy family. As I looked around the table, the only apparent difference was that one staff person was not present. I asked the staff if they sensed the difference I was feeling. They knew exactly what I meant. Finally one of them blurted out, "Jim is not here today. Staff meetings are always better when he's not here." It turned out that Jim was a dysfunctional bully who ran to the personnel committee every time he didn't get his way. Because of him several competent staff members had been fired. To make matters worse, the staff knew that Jim seldom contributed anything to the health and vitality of the church. I asked the staff if they had confronted Jim with how they felt. Their response was typical for church folks. "That would not be the Christian thing to do. It would hurt him deeply. After all, the church is all he has." Sure, it's all that he has; no one else would put up with him. Who is the most dysfunctional, Jim or the staff? A church not far from me told its Bishop that it wanted a young pastor. It wasn't long before they got one. One of the first things the young pastor did was ask the Board to change the appearance of the church newspaper. The Board unanimously voted to do so. Four months later, I noticed the newspaper was switched back to its old form. I called the pastor to ask why. His response is a classic. "Most of the Board were present the night we voted. However, one man was out of the country. When he returned to find that a decision had been made in his absence, he demanded that the chairperson immediately call another meeting. At the second meeting, the Board voted unanimously to rescind their previous decision about the newspaper." When I asked why, he replied: "This man always pays off any deficit at the end of year and he wanted the vote changed. The Board was afraid to buck him." The future of that church was held hostage to a bully. I'm convinced that one of the main sins of the established church is that we have taught ourselves to be nice instead of being Christian. In spite of aspiring to be a disciple of Jesus, we teach that the essence of Christianity is to be nice. Where do we get such a notion? Certainly not from the actions of Jesus. One of the hallmarks of Jesus's ministry was his constant attack on the status quo. He challenged it every time he could. He even went out of his way to upset the religious bullies of his time. He called them "white sepulchers" and by doing so attacked the very heart of their priesthood based on purity.2 Jesus loved church leaders too much to allow them remain such small persons. When Peter showed his displeasure over the impending death of his Lord, Jesus said to him "Get behind me Satan."3 Jesus loved his disciples too much to let them miss one of the more important lessons of servanthood. Jesus, the man who said, "be compassionate as God is compassionate,"4 had no desire to be nice because ...being nice has nothing to do with being Christian. Being nice is often nothing more than a lack of compassion for people. Let's explore what this means. At one point, in a holy rage, Jesus entered the Temple with a large, metal-tipped whip and drove out the money changers. As he did, he quipped, "It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but you have made it a den of thieves."5 If we discover why Jesus responded to religious bullies this way, we will also discover why so many church leaders refuse to follow his example. When Jesus cleansed the temple he was in the Court of the Gentiles. This was the only part of the temple where gentiles were allowed to worship. What ticked Jesus off was that the religious leaders were using the only place gentiles could worship God as the place to sell their wares. What was to be a place of spiritual discovery and worship for the gentiles, was turned into an economic opportunity for the religious leaders. (Sound familiar?) The focus of the religious leaders was on themselves, not the spiritual vitality of the gentiles. So he drove them out. Therefore, thieves are those who do religious things for their own purpose. So when we are doing things that only benefit those within the church, we become a den of thieves. When we say that we want it this way because it has always been this way, we are a den of thieves. We when focus on only the needs of our members, we are robbing the community of a chance to join us in our journey of faith. Such action is intolerable for people of compassion and love. Church leaders are robbing people of their spiritual birthright when they allow dysfunctional people to sell their petty wares in the house of God rather than to proclaim release from bondage. We really need to get clear on this problem and do something about. If we really love people, and if we really want them to experience the love of God, then we will not ever allow the bully to rob others of their spiritual birthright. Anyone who knows how family systems work, knows that the worst thing one can do with dysfunctional people is to give them more attention by giving into their every whim. Instead, tough love has to be applied. The compassionate thing to do is to hold them accountable for their self-centered actions for in doing so they may begin the journey with God. Jesus shows us what to do with people who do not want to grow spiritually. In training his disciples how to spread the word of God's love, he told the disciples to "shake off the dust of your feet" when they encountered people who did not receive them graciously.6 Jesus loved people too much to let anything slow down the process of setting people free from their bondage whatever it is. People who would rather be nice than Christian do not love enough. They do not have enough compassion. Instead, they are afraid of hurting someone or of being hurt. Remember, fear is the opposite of love. "Perfect love casts out all fear."7 If we really cared about people, we would not allow anyone to bully others into submission, instead we would want every person to feel free enough to express their hopes and dreams, to stretch their wings, and to reach their God-given potential. If we really loved people, we would not base our decisions on whether or not people would like us for those decisions. Being nice or being liked is never a goal for followers of Jesus. What does being nice accomplish in the church?
One of the basic lessons I'm learning as a consultant is that before renewal begins in a church or denomination, it is normal that someone has to leave or be denied. Almost every time a dying church attempts to thrive once again, someone tries to bully the leadership out of the attempt. And almost every time, if a turn around is to take place, such persons are lost along the way because they are no longer allowed to get their way. When they can't get their way, they leave. Not even Jesus got through the journey with all of their disciples. Why should we expect too? This does not mean that we should set out to intimate the bully or to kick people out of the church. It does mean that we care enough about the future of our church not to allow anyone to stifle its ability to liberate people from bondage or victimization. It means that we care enough about the bully that we will not allow the bully to intimate the church because we know the spiritual vitality of both the bully and the church is at stake. Matthew 18 gives us a formula for dealing with the dysfunctional bully. First, an individual privately confronts the person with what he/she is doing and asks the person to stop. If this doesn't achieve positive results, two or more people are to confront the person. If this does not resolve the matter, the person is to be brought before the entire church. Listen again to the not- so-nice words of Jesus. "And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican." In other words, withdraw from that person's presence, or in our case rem ove that person from office! Never, ever, allow such a person to dictate the direction of the church.8 The next time someone in your church attempts to intimidate or bully the church out of taking a positive step forward, go to God in prayer, and then get out the metal-tipped whip and drive that person out of the church....of course in love.9 ______________ 1 Numbers 16
 Pastors, thank you.
Your presence in the hospital room following a great tragedy brought comfort. You spoke truth through challenging words across the restaurant table - waking us up from our spiritual stupor. You walked with couples through infertility, infidelity and disconnection, you pointed them to Jesus and led them in prayer and confession. You’ve missed gatherings, parties, events, and sacrificed your weekends to pray and prepare for our Lord’s day gatherings. You’ve dedicated our children, married our young adults, baptized new believers and buried our older friends. You led us to pursue the lost, communicate the gospel. You challenged us to meet the needs of the orphan, alien, and widow. You patiently endured congregational criticisms and whisper campaigns. You’ve lost friends, staff and have endured seasons of loneliness while remaining faithful to our congregation. You stayed in this place to be our shepherd when you could have gone elsewhere. You’ve navigated several election seasons, always leading us with grace and truth - emphasizing, one Lord, one faith, one baptism. You feel the weight of caring for the flock - 24/7. Your tear stained face and fervent prayers may not be known but they are felt. You don’t work for the applause of people - though you often wonder if your prayers, labor and ministry are helping us follow Jesus. They are. Thank you Pastor, thank you.  Let the one who is taught the word share all his good things with the teacher. Galatians 6:6 October brings with it many things, cooler temperatures, Fall colors, the outbreaking of jackets, sweaters and flannel shirts. I love this time of year, if I could craft the weather of heaven I would suggest Fall be the eternal season.
With this time of year comes a month in which, those who make up the group that determine what we celebrate in any given month, suggest we express our appreciation for our Pastors. Truthfully, this is a month most pastors kind of dread. Most don’t fully receive words or actions that make them feel appreciated. On the main, the Pastors in your church don’t do what they do for applause or adulation. Truthfully, consider their work. The teaching and preaching of God’s word, the work of discipling, caring, challenging and exhorting you to Christlikeness. This means some of what they will say to you and the entire congregation will be corrective or confrontive. Paul declares this in Colossians 1:28-29. The word warning conveys the idea of exerting pressure on someone’s mind through reasonable and logical appeals. Faithful Pastors proclaim Jesus, warn and teach from God’s word. I appreciate a good warning now and then. My guess is that you do as well, yet there are some warnings which are hard to welcome or receive with joy and thankfulness.
Few have likely ever said to their Pastor, after he shared a message like or similar to the ones above great personal appreciation. Does your Pastor preach the entire counsel of God’s word? Does he challenge you to say no to sin and examine your life before God and his Word, aided by the Spirit? If he does then it’s time to say thanks. Sharing all good things doesn’t just mean a note and gift card to a chain restaurant, a plate of cookies or a gift card to his favorite bookstore. Sharing all good things includes expressing thanks for sermons that challenge, leadership that seeks your maturity and mobilization of teh church for Gospel advance. Are your Pastors faithfully leading you and your church toward Christian maturity and missional advance? Then express your sincere gratitude, be descriptive, tell them how thankful you are that they speak the truth in love and lead well.  In working with Pastors and Churches I’ve come to understand the relationship between a Shepherd and some of his flock sometimes can be fraught with challenge. In most cases it’s not the entirety of the congregation, often it’s just a handful of prominent or influential folk who exert their will and opinion over the congregation.
Let me say this-sometimes it is appropriate to inquire about a Pastor’s tenure. If he’s lost vision, if he’s lazy and negligent, if he is derelict or deficient in his biblical duties, a congregation and its leaders are right to bring pointed conversations about the relationship between pastor and people and his employ. More often transition scenarios play like a scratchy old vinyl record, the tune familiar, the static painful to the ear. A Pastor, who has done no moral wrong, who has faithfully - according to his gifting and ability - sought to lead and pastor his people is forced out. Beware the danger of such a move - the church may not ever fully recover from a wrongful forced termination. Dear Church Member/Leader, before you inquire about your Pastor’s tenure, before you think of raising the subject with others I have ten questions to ask you - please sit with and answer them. If this article has found you too late, if the Pastor is still occupying the office, stop seeking his dismissal, perhaps reverse course and make sure you’ve walked through these inquiries personally. Have you earnestly prayed for him? Not always but often I’ve discovered congregants are quick to criticize but slow to pray for their Shepherds. A Pastor has a difficult job, his influence and work are 100% relational, he can’t force, coerce or demand you be obedient, submissive to the Lordship of Christ, he has to teach the scriptures and appeal to you to die to self, pick up your cross daily and follow Jesus. He’s asking you to do something your flesh hates-be sure you’re not pushing him out because you’re convicted of sin or disobedience. Have you pursued Christlikeness? Dear church member, do you know that you are personally responsible for your own spiritual maturity? Are you humbly and actively pursuing Jesus and surrendering more and more of your life to his Lordship? Are you demonstrating the fruit of the Spirit? Are you demonstrating Christian love? Have you laid down your preferences? Sometimes I feel like my head is about to explode when I hear church members and attenders freely voice their opinions and preferences regarding worship styles, sermon styles, programming preferences with a critical spirit. If we’re not careful we may find ourselves spending more time talking about what we like or don’t like rather than about the greatness of the Gospel and the magnificent goodness of Jesus. Have you contended for unity? A hallmark of the early church was their unity in the midst of their diversity. Jews, Gentiles, Political Activists and former Government Agents shared meals, ministry assignments and fellowshipped at the feet of Jesus. Unity doesn’t come easily-it has to be pursued and guarded. Unity in the church must be based on Jesus and the mission he gave to the church. Are you working for unity? Are you living on mission? Often, those among us who are bored or disengaged from missional work can develop critical spirits and can find themselves on the offensive against Pastors. Have you confronted and rebuked fellow congregants? Our spiritual journey is not a solo adventure. We are called to bear one another’s burdens, encourage and exhort one another and even offer and receive rebukes from each other. Sadly, we’ve lost the ability to give and receive firm and strong words of warning and exhortation to each other. Perhaps your words of warning and correction are misdirected toward the Shepherd and should be rightly exercised within the body, or perhaps directed towards self. Maybe, someone needs to rebuke your actions, words and attitudes-would you be ready to receive it? Have you given double honor? Pastors don’t choose their vocation to become rich, neither did they hope to be impoverished or struggle week after week and month after month to make ends meet. Some pastors by choice work a second vocation, some by necessity. I’ve seen churches with thousands in reserves, deposited at the bank whose pastors struggle to meet their families basic needs. Frankly, that reality is to your shame - if your church can afford to pay more but simply decides not to do so. Adding your criticism to low pay is demoralizing, disheartening and defeating to your Shepherd. Have you encouraged him specifically? The Sunday greeting line where Pastor and People connect typically involves the exchange of niceties and bits of information-this common exchange resounds regularly; “Nice sermon Pastor.” The preacher’s regular work in teaching/preaching is an exhausting endeavor. He wonders; “Is this hitting home? Is this connecting? Is the Lord using this to draw all of us closer to him?” One way to measure is the feedback loop-what are people saying? “Nice sermon” is like saying fine when someone asks how you are doing-not extremely helpful. Instead, share something specifically that impacted you from the morning message. Better yet, offer the best feedback of all by applying God’s word in your life in a way that leads to transformed living-and bear verbal witness to the changes the Spirit is working in your life. Have you compared him to other Preachers? Your pastor preaches like he preaches - he won’t, can’t and shouldn’t compare to or be like another preacher. Even a preacher you admire from a podcast or the television, or even one in your home town area. You can always find someone who, in your opinion, says or does something better. But remember this, we are called to be Christians committed to a local congregation, not consumers of Christian services. Are you working to build up the church? I want to say this as clearly as possible - God is the one who builds his church. If your church grows it’s because God is making that happen. Let me also say this - he does that through us as Christians who belong to that specific congregation. The Pastor, like us, plays a part in what God does to grow a church. As we invite others, share the gospel, disciple people and engage in mercy ministries God may use those efforts to grow our local church numerically - he also may not grow our numbers as we would like. I do know this - putting the entirety of the burden to grow the church on a single Pastor is wrong. Perhaps your church isn’t growing because you’re not playing your part. Have you considered leaving with integrity? It could be time for you to leave the church you’re attending rather than asking the Pastor to leave. Maybe you need some time in a new setting to grow in a different way. Perhaps God wants to use your gifts elsewhere where they are needed. Maybe, he’s calling you away to show you that the church served by your Pastor isn’t as bad as you might think. Maybe you are the one who needs to leave - if you do, please do so with as much integrity and good will as you can muster. Love everyone as you say goodbye, bless them and then be off to your new church adventure. QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION
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