Bullies, Gatekeepers, Manipulators and Controllers

“Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.” — Colossians 1:28–29

Pastors often bear deep and quiet wounds—delivered not by unbelievers or secular culture, but by controllers inside the church: bullies who manipulate, gatekeepers who withhold permission, and influencers who use history, money, or fear to halt gospel advancement. They may hide behind phrases like “We’ve never done it that way,” or “Others are concerned,” but their intent is clear—control, not Christ.

Some pastors try to reason with these strongholds. They wait, hope, appease, avoid, and pray it will change. But over time, the roots of dysfunction grow deeper. Silence is misinterpreted as submission. Nice becomes naive. And the result? The mission is stifled. The flock is confused. The pastor is discouraged. And the body remains immature.

Warning with Wisdom: Paul’s words in Colossians 1 are a call to bold, biblical shepherding. Maturity in Christ comes through proclaiming the gospel, warning everyone, and teaching with wisdom. This isn’t optional. It’s essential.
Warning, when done wisely and lovingly, is not unkind—it’s Christlike. Jesus never coddled the religious bullies of his day. He confronted them, exposed their motives, and made it clear: the Kingdom would not be held hostage by those protecting their platform over God's purposes.

Too often, churches have confused being nice with being Christian. But Christ was not crucified for his niceness—he was crucified for proclaiming truth, confronting sin, and disrupting the religious status quo. Pastors must do the same. Gospel compassion includes courage.

Bullies Grow When Unchallenged: Bullies and gatekeepers don’t disappear on their own. In fact, when left unchallenged, they often become more emboldened. Their tenure becomes tradition. Their preferences become policy. Their threats become sacred cows.

In Not Being Nice for the Sake of the Gospel, Bill Easum recounts example after example of churches and staff held hostage by one or two dysfunctional members. In each case, the leaders knew the person was harming the mission—but feared doing what was necessary to confront them. So they remained quiet. And the church remained stuck.
Jesus never advocated such passivity. When the Temple was turned into a marketplace, Jesus didn’t call a meeting. He overturned tables. Not out of rage, but out of love. He saw that worship was being stolen from the people who needed it most. So he drove the thieves out.

In churches today, the “thieves” often aren’t selling doves, but they’re selling comfort, familiarity, and control—at the cost of spiritual freedom and growth.

Confront and Disempower for the Sake of the Gospel: The answer isn’t to play nice with the unreasonable. It’s to confront them biblically and remove their functional power.

Matthew 18 provides a pathway: private confrontation, followed by witnesses, and finally, church-wide correction. If the individual refuses to repent, Jesus says to treat them as an outsider. This isn’t harsh—it’s holy. We must care more about their soul and the church’s mission than about preserving appearances.

To be clear: confronting does not mean cruelty. But it does require courage. The gospel calls us to speak the truth in love, not to sidestep it in fear. Every time a leader chooses clarity over comfort, the church takes one step closer to health.

Leaders Must Lead: If you're a pastor in this situation, it may be time to stop waiting for the bully to have a change of heart. You were not called to appease manipulators. You were called to proclaim Christ, warning and teaching with all wisdom, that you might present the church mature in Christ.

That means being willing to confront the hard-hearted, call out the manipulative, and refuse to give spiritual authority to those who’ve long abused it. This is not about being unkind—it’s about being uncompromising when it comes to the freedom of God’s people.

We don’t confront because we’re angry—we confront because we love Jesus and his Bride.

Moving Forward: Church renewal is rarely possible until someone leaves—or loses their grip. The path to revitalization almost always passes through painful confrontation. But the reward is worth it: a church free to grow, a people unshackled from fear, and a pastor no longer under the thumb of intimidation.

So preach Christ.
Warn with wisdom.
Call out dysfunction.

And remember—you’re not alone. Christ is with you. And the power that raised him from the dead is the same power that can break the grip of every bully in the pew.

Stand firm, pastor. Be clear. Be Christlike. Be courageous.

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